Letter #3

Dear Rayen,

Sorry it's been awhile since I've written. I know I haven't told you much. It's hard for me to get this out of my system even though I know it's the best thing I can do. I've kept so much bottled up and have presented myself so many different ways to so many different people. You're the only one I can trust. The only thing is I've never killed anyone. Not that I haven't wanted to. I just didn't think I could get away with it.

When I was in college I was very involved with the born-again movement. I got sucked into some freaking cult when I was a freshman and they brainwashed me well. I tried to be what they thought was a good Christian. I was under the spiritual tutelage of a group of women who were a little older than I was. I found out later that half of them were closet dykes, who, like myself, were hiding in the church, hoping, somehow, we'd change. Fucking hypocrites. I made the mistake of confessing to one of them about my struggles with my sexuality and I was immediately ostrasized. They decided it would be best if I didn't spend any alone time with the women in the church. If I made an attempt to touch anyone, even in passing or in conversation, I was "counseled." The bad part is that I was deeply in love with another woman in my church. Kelly. To this day, I think about her. I became pretty pissed off at the church, at God and everything about Christianity. God didn't change me.

Tinder

Letter #2

Dear Rayen,

Today I am angry. I had another dream about a woman I was, or still am, in love with. I have dreams about her regularly. I can't get her out of my system in spite of being in a relationship with someone else for the past four years. I'm a shit. I miss her, but I can't tell a soul. I doubt I'll ever see her again. She really hurt me, lied to me, deceived me. I should hate her and in some respects I guess I do.

Tinder

Letter #1

Dear Rayen,

My name is Tinder. You don't know me, but I have a lot on my mind. I'm told that you are the one who handles all these things. Many things I am about to tell you I am too ashamed or humiliated to discuss with anyone else on earth. I guess I should start with a formal introduction. I was born in 1963. I was not a wanted child and my mother took her anger out on me a lot. I grew to fear her. I've always known there was something different about me, but I didn't know what to call it. Later, I would find out that it's called queer. I know it's not a big deal these days, but when I was growing up, it was a heinous thing. My mother once told me that the worst thing that could happen to a parent would be to find out her child is gay. I kept my secret for a long time.

Thank you for your time. I will write again soon.

Sincerely,

Tinder