Letter #3

Dear Rayen,

Sorry it's been awhile since I've written. I know I haven't told you much. It's hard for me to get this out of my system even though I know it's the best thing I can do. I've kept so much bottled up and have presented myself so many different ways to so many different people. You're the only one I can trust. The only thing is I've never killed anyone. Not that I haven't wanted to. I just didn't think I could get away with it.

When I was in college I was very involved with the born-again movement. I got sucked into some freaking cult when I was a freshman and they brainwashed me well. I tried to be what they thought was a good Christian. I was under the spiritual tutelage of a group of women who were a little older than I was. I found out later that half of them were closet dykes, who, like myself, were hiding in the church, hoping, somehow, we'd change. Fucking hypocrites. I made the mistake of confessing to one of them about my struggles with my sexuality and I was immediately ostrasized. They decided it would be best if I didn't spend any alone time with the women in the church. If I made an attempt to touch anyone, even in passing or in conversation, I was "counseled." The bad part is that I was deeply in love with another woman in my church. Kelly. To this day, I think about her. I became pretty pissed off at the church, at God and everything about Christianity. God didn't change me.

Tinder